I'll have mine with a pulse!

Happy Hump Day folks!

Tis the season for office parties, family get togethers, or just heading out to dinner with friends to celebate another year done and over. I had mine last night and over heard a woman ordering a steak and she demanded it be over done on purpose cuz she said "The under done parts will get you sick, I don't care how good your stomach is!" Well lady that might work for you now but watch out cuz.....

FACT!: A well done steak, especially if it has "charred" portions, contains much higher levels of carcinogens than a medium or rare steak!

Think I'll have the chicken.

Mikey D

Holiday Hair

Mouse-eared hairdo. Check.  A dress that shows more boob than my VS Miraculous Bra?  Check.  Earrings that look like your earlobe is shitting out an alien?  Check.  Come on people, this season celebrates the birth of Jesus.  For Christ's sake, put some damn clothes on, get your hair styled nicely, and avoid any jewelry that looks like.. well, that ear crap up there.  Cheryl Cole, from Britain's X factor,  Minnie Mouse called!  She wants her look back.

Here is some festive hair that is done right.

I have created a guidline to party hair to help you get through this season with no bad hair days/nights.

1) Shine, shine, SHINE!  Always make sure your tresses have some shine and reflect light.  For blonde/fair hair girls, I like Paul Mitchell Super Skinny Serum- also great for static hair!  For redheds and brunettes, I like Bed Head Brunette Goddess Spray.  It has copper/gold flecks that make your hair glisten like tinsel on a tree.

2) Hold, hold, HOLD!  Why spend all that time on your hair and not have a secret weapon to help it keep shape?  I like to use hairspray BEFORE and AFTER I curl, whether with rollers or an iron.  For holiday hold. I love Bed Head Masterpiece.  I prefer an aerosol for these types of style, and this spray has the best hold and the best shine!

3) Sparkle!  Pick up an accessory for your hair or a piece of costume jewelry that catches your eye.  I love hair combs like the one above.  They are the perfect touch for boring hair, long or short.  And they never go out of style!
  Always remember, your hair is your best accessory; Unless you have big cannons. Even still, you should make your hair look nice.

What happened to Monday?

Ok two quick facts cuz it's the week of Christmas (yea I said it CHRISTMAS! not holiday week!) and if you're like me you got stuff to get to and don't have time for my rambling....

FACT 1: In the year 1998 more fast food employees were murdered on the job than police officers. see what happens when you make hungry people wait, things can get ugly

FACT 2: There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar. you figure out all the ways and by the time you're done I'll be back with a new fact or 2

Kids Are Smarter Than Grown Ups

Helloooo!?  Using hand dryers in public restroom as a hair dryer?  Effing genius.  I will utilize this precious knowledge if I:

A) am ever homeless and need to wash my hair in the sink at the Burger King rest area off I-95
B) ever get puke in my hair again after sailing too hard with the Captain in the old port.

Thanks to my girlfriend, Jamie, for sharing her child's genius discovery with the world. Innovator!

Before There Were Gift Cards...

 Back in the good old days before you had to type a stupid code to get free shipping.  Before you had to lug around a purse the size of an Olsen twin for all your goddamn shaw's cards and shit.
 Back then, your mailman had to be a former UFC fighter so that he could carry and deliver the dozens of Bible-sized catologs to your hizouse. Then you tipped him and wished him a MERRY CHRISTMAS, none of that PC 'happy holidays' bullshit. Back then, there were INFOMERCIALS on every commercial break.  Remember that?  Chances are, your Christmas wish list included something you had to be 18 years old to purchase over the phone. The coolest merchandise was sold primarily over the television.

Let's reminisce for a few moments.  Take some time to think about some of man's greatest hair-related innovations. Stuff you may have received Christmas' past. Probably purchased by C.O.D.

Top Coverage    The holiday favorite of bald Dads all across North America.  This product is still on the market and has a FIVE-STAR rating on Amazon.com. Who needs that Hair Club For Men or expensive toupees?  Just spray and go. My kind of shit right here.  Does this also cover white trash roots?  Shame it doesn't come in a strawberry blonde color..

Topsy Tail
 Hands down, best invention ever.  There is no other tool in the world that can take a plain jane ponytail and turn it into a fabulous hairdo that looks like an ass-crack.  Every girl in the world had one. I loved looking through the little book of hairstyles that came with it.  I rocked every one of 'em.  Actually, I still own my Topsy Tail and still use it. 

See photographic evidence above- taken today.





Wahl Doodle Clipper 

 A battery-operated clipper that looks/sounds like a glow in the dark dildo and can cut designs into your hair.  The blade is shaped like a unicorn, very user friendly.  Perfect for doing lazer lines, shaving a part into your hair, or even trimming around your rat-tail.  Silly old me is shaving designs into my client's head with a traditional clipper.  Shit would have been way easier with big yellow up there.  I might buy one. And yes, they still make these.  God bless Amazon.com!

The Flowbee 

A dual purpose machine well worth the 100 bucks it costs.  Not only does it cut hair, but it sucks demons out of children.  See photo above.  I kind of use on of these at the barbershop.  I have a vacuum attached to my Oster clipper.  But let me tell you, that precise haircut claim on the Flowbee box is bogus.  If you don't know what you are doing, you'll cut moles off people's heads and they'll bleed everywhere like a Rob Zombie movie. True story.

And lastly, the most recent Infomercial phenomenon is the Bump-It.  Pin-up-girl hair in 5 minutes or less without needing 4 cans of aqua net.  I think many a teenage daughter received one of these for Christmas last year... along with Dunkin Donuts gift cards and UGG boots. 

 I don't know about you, but my big hair goes flat after I drink a bit.  It also goes flat after a few minutes chasing my kids around.  Maybe I need a BUMP-IT too, cuz Amy Winehouse's hair is still as big as Star Jones' old ass, and she's drinking PLUS taking care of a baby.  Good advertising right there.

Double your pleasure....

Hey Tressedville!

Here we go with another round of random! Now the Friday freak fest with our friend from Japan isn't over yet, and just for fun we're gonna bring China into this also, a lil twofer!

Fact #1 There are 25,000 love hotels in Japan, generating a staggering 4 trillion yen in revenues per year!
Fact #2 80% of all sex toy are made in China

On that note I'm off to find my plane ticket to Tokyo and Bejing
See ya'll Monday

Say Hi to the new kid!

Ah yes, let the bald kid onto the hair blog. Now on here you get great hair tips from Deanna, color, style, an occasional verbal haymaker to the ridiculous starlets of Hollywood, which by the way i take great pleasure in reading especially the wookie, i mean Kardshian curb stomp earlier. No I'm not here for any of that, I'm merely here to bring you a quick shot of randomness to get your day off to a fun or thought provoking day. Just think of me and your shot of Jack to go with your coffee.

Day 1!

Now we all know of Japan as "The land of the rising sun!"  Well the only thing they're raising over there is their freak flags, and oh man are they letting those things fly!
FACT: In Japan you can buy batteries, beer, wine, condoms, cigarettes, comic books, hot dogs, light bulbs, and used women's underwear from......wait for it.....vending machines!

Not much to say after that one, till tomorrow people