I'll Have To Pass On That Brazilian...

...Brazilian Blowout, that is. Apparently, they contain high levels of formaldehyde and have been making people very sick.  Being exposed to high levels of formaldehyde can cause cancer, and a whole bunch of other undesirable symptoms.  Remember dissecting stuff in middle school biology?  That smell?  That's formaldehyde.  Smells like a lawsuit to me.

  So, what the fuck is a Brazilian Blowout?  Yeah, I'd kind of sort of heard of them.  They're the newest way to chemically straighten hair.  Basically they put a whole bunch of shit on your hair that they claim to be "keratin protein" and they "seal" it in with a scalding hot flat iron.  They run ya about 250 big ones and only last 10-12 weeks.  Seemed like a big waste of money to me.

 If I'm going to get cancer, I'm going to get it a much cheaper way, like mooching cigarettes off people when I drink. Or forgetting to put my spf 55 on when I float out on the lake with my diet coke- which is sweetened with artificial sweetener that also causes... cancer 

 Brazilian Blowout is sticking to its guns claiming there are no harsh chemicals in their product, even releasing a MSDS (material safety data sheet) trying to prove that their product is safe, yet they won't release an ingredient list... hmmm...
... probably because it's made of dissected frog guts and protein shake powder.  That's my guess.  For 250 bucks, it better have been an almost-extict radioactive frog from the Amazon that shits diamonds and the protein powder that Hulk Hogan uses which is sifted with flakes of pure gold and poured into magic crystal containers.   Either way, I'm going to fry my hair with harmful stuff the old school way-  my trusty blowdryer, flat iron, and straightening serum.  Thanks anyways, Brazilians.