My New Hair Experiment

...Chances are, you don't care about my hair.  And that's fine.  But step one of solving a problem is first admitting you have one.  Consider this my public declaration.  I have a raging problem.  I am blondorexic.

My dark roots grow in super-quick. See above evidence.I de-colorize (mortal term: BLEACH) my roots every 3 weeks.  And then I tone out the brass with a color and then sometimes I add a couple low-lights with yet another color.  This process takes anywhere from3-5 hours.  Yuck!  Plus I am literally frying the shit out of my hair.  I need a new routine.

Here's the catch-22.  My job is very unique and conservative.  I colored my hair black and nearly lost my job.  In this day and age, one must keep their job because finding another is not easy.  And then the other issue is that I get jeaolous when I see pretty blonde hair when my hair is dark.  I secretly hate every blonde chick with nice hair.  I might pretend to be nice, but in my head I'm like,"bitch, bitch, bitch, dumb blonde bitch, bitch, you're hot like Scarlett Johannssen, you're a bitch."

So here are the contingencies.  I need a haircolor that's SO fucking awesome, when I see a pretty blonde I can just say in my looney head, "yeah, whores like you only WISH you could pull off this color.  Booya!"  And the color needs to be in the lighter ranges- not too far off from the current blonde so that none of my elderly clients or bosses flip out and fire me.  Yeah, I know.  It makes no sense.  I can sit at my laptop and blog all day stealing   borrowing internet service from the business next door and not get fired.  But if I color my hair dark, I will no longer have a job here.  I understand it sounds crazy.  Well, folks, my life is a fucking circus.  Let's color my hair red.

  I'm talking strawberry-blonde-ish. I want my haircolor to tell people I've got a fiery temper (true), I drive it like I stole it (also very true), and that I'm a raging firecrotch (not true, but needs to atleast be believable.)
So here's my inspiration.  And yes, I realize this girl looks like she sucks dick for a living and probably still lives at home with her parents.  I don't want her look, just her hair.

Tonight, my friends, I will grow a pair of B's and perform a color service on myself.  I will post photos in the morning.  Unless, you think I'd look like a total douche with this color. Then, please, for the love of Taco Bell, talk me out of this. Advise in the comment section beneath this post.