Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Bieber Fever

  Yeah, I might have teased Justin Bieber a bit in the last post, but the truth is, I'm listening to his angelic voice right meow.  And I'm picking up what he's putting down.  This kid is a fucking PIMP.  Yeah, he's got those big lips and girlish features. And that hair; he's constantly having to sweep it out of his face.  But you know what?  He's so fresh and new, but he's a reincarnation of who I used to wanna go to second base with through my casio cassette deck back in '97.

Let's do this Scrooge style.  Introducing your ghosts of hormonal-heart-throbs-past:
Oh, Axl Rose. Look at you... and your makeup... and your long, layered tresses...

Bret Michaels and those Poison boys.  Yum...tight pants, long/colored hair, and makeup.

                     Hanson with their long locks and pubescent voices.  At first we didn't know if they were boys or girls... then when we found they were infact boys and we wanted to mmmbop the scheisse outta them.


..And the most recent predecessor of Biebs, the Jonas Brothers. Look at their affinity for pink and purple.  And tight clothing.  And Joe Jonas's love affair with a flat iron.

 Yup, folks, there you have it.  Freud would be proud.  I think us girls are so insecure and unsure during puberty.  We see a "girly" guy and we recognize ourself in him.  And even though we don't know him, we know he understands us.  And then our hormones kick in and we do the screaming/shrieking/annoying thing that young girls do..  It's been going on since Elvis...since the Beatles.  And guess what?  It's never going to go away.  So get used to it and fucking jam out to these young cubs... they don't just sing their songs for the youngins, they're serenading us cougars too.
 Now who can find me a used Bieber chapstick on eBay, I just wanna lap that shit up like a hungry kitten...

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