Femistaches Are Only For Transgendered Folk.

                      

... and the rest of us need to wax that shit right off.  Nothing worse than seeing a gorgeous woman, and then noticing some hairy friends on her upper lip.  Pictured above is the queen of pop music and booty-cooties- Madonna.

 Here's that same image flipped, cropped and her snaggle-gap toofs blurred.

Am I fucking crazy, or does this shit look like a bearded clam? 

    When I see a Femistache in my chair, I always offer to wax it for them.  Here are the excuses I get:

1) "I don't have time."  Of course you have time.  You already made time to come sit in my chair.  I can do an upper lip wax in one minute flat.

2) "I'm afraid it will hurt." Obviously it's not the most ticklish feeling to have your hair ripped out by the roots all it once.  We do things in life that hurt.  Have you had a baby?  Gotten a tattoo? Gotten a shot?  Had sex for the first time?  All that stuff hurts.  And waxing hurts way less than all of the above.

3) "I've gotten burnt from the wax before."  Unfortunately, it happens.  The wax is simmering all day and sometimes can overheat.  You can request the stylist to test the wax on his/herself first.  I always do on my hand. Always.  I swear I have never ever burnt anyone because it is my biggest fear.  Grow a set of B's and ask them to test it on their own hand. We're all adults here and accidents do happen.

4) "I don't want to be red all day/ I don't want it to be obvious I just got waxed."  This is the stupidest fucking excuse of all time!  Guess what, snapper-lips?  Redness on your upper lip, no matter how obvious, is a better look than your 'stache blowing around in the wind.  Period.  A few hours of redness trumps walking around your whole life looking like ass.  See examples below.

 sporty ass

 underage ass...with bigger problems than just the 'stache

nationally-self-humiliating-political-ass

  It's November, the month of mustache awareness.  For guys, it means growing your shit out to raise money for LiveStrong, the Prostate Cancer Foundation, and giving sexy ladies the mustache ride of their life.  Unless you are in the process of physically transitioning to the male gender, this does not apply to you.  Wax it off!