You're So Vain, You Probably Think This Blog Is About You.

  A lot of you are probably going, "Who the hell is that?"  He is Pittsburgh Steelers safety Troy Polamalu.  And he just insured his 3 foot long tresses for one million buckaroos.  Which, by the way, is a world record.  What kind of guy is like, hey, can we get an insurance policy on my hair?  Just in case it falls out or someone cuts it while I'm sleeping?  It sounds like something Mariah or Jlo would insure.  I bet Lil Kim has insurance on her weave.  But whatever, they're females, we're supposed to be a bit vain about our looks.  Dudes, however, are not.  Especially not jock dudes.

  If I was an NFL player, I'd insure my cock.  My name would be Klett Cavre and I'd want to insure against STDs from cheating on my wife, Breanna, and just because..really.. jock straps protect, but just how much?One can never be too vain or cautious when dealing with their reproductive organs.  All the sexy bitches would want to give my million dollar D some mouth hugs.  I'd be the most awesomest pimp in the NFL while Troy Polamalmooomoo would be gayer than jizz on a moustache that wasn't grown in MOVEMBER.

Cheezus. Someone chop his hair off so he can collect his million bucks and go spend it on jheri curl grease because his ends look a little dry.