Every once in awhile, I love me some acrylic nails. I love me some fake eyelashes. I love me some hair extensions. I love me some spray tan. I love me some bump-it. I love me some super-padded bras. Basically, sometimes I like to be a walking false-advertisement. And that's fine. Because it's only sometimes. Every woman needs a pick-me-up every now and then, mine is some tanned cleave staring back at me in the mirror. Some hair bigger than John Mayer's F-list. Some sexical eyelashes to wink at my husband with.
Rihanna is a prime example of what NOT to do. She had a shaved bowl cut yesterday and now she's got herself some Pippi Longstocking hair. Add that to some hot pink lips, excessive amounts of fake eyelashes, and some fake nails and you've won the mayor seat of Fakenham. It's pretty sad when Pam A. or Lady G. looks more life-like than this girl. If I was a dude getting it on with her, I wouldn't even know where to start... Kiss off that hot pink crusty lip shit? Run my fingers through that gross fluorescent horse hair weave? Let her touch me with those witch nails? What if her eyelashes start coming off while we are wrestling and sucking face? Like wise men INXS say, It ain't pretty when the pretty leaves you.
*sighs* The only thing authentic about Rihanna these days would be that crocodile Prada handbag.
I love your constant inventions of new words. I'm so totally going to start saying "sexical" and might even throw in the town of Fakenham when describing some girls who make "The Plastics" look like Bella Swan ;-)
ReplyDeletehaha...you are awesome! and SPOT ON!!! I usually LOVE me some rihanna....but this is like rainbow bright fought pippi and all that was left over was a brightly colored pile of Ri-ri... :)a quick glance it looks like a spraytanned lindsay lohan with BRIGHTER hair..haha
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