My Wal-Mart Makeup Experience

 Truth is... I am poor.  Yes I do hair, and I have a full clientele, but I have a house full of kids and animals that suck me dry.  Which is why I buy my makeup at Wal-mart.  I usually bring my empty container with me, so I can buy the same exact thing (unless they discontinue it...grrr!) and not get lost in aisles of crappy products made from boiled animal fat and bat poo*


   *Gross, huh? Makeup ingredients is a whole 'nother topic for a whole 'nother day...
    

  Anyways, last night, my girlfriend and I were doing some shopping at our favorite Biddeford Wal-mart after I worked a gruelng 11 hour workday on my feet.  I'm going to go ahead and blame it on fatigue; I decided to stray from my normal makeup regime and try some new crappy makeup.  Lo and behold, I find a diamond in the rough.  A rose among thorns.  It is by Maybelline.  GEL EYELINER.

   Best fucking 9 dollars I have ever spent.  I have oily eyelids, so liquid gets all funky.  I also rub my eyes a lot, so kohl pencils get all smudgey and not in that 'I've got a smokey, smudgey eye' kind of way.  I SLEPT with this stuff on to see if it would really last with my face in a pillow all night.  It did.  I even showered this morning and washed my face, and my eyeliner still looks amazing.  I'll obv. remove it tonight to re-apply it tomorrow morning, but STILL.  This is the closest to tattooed eyeliner you are ever going to come.  It goes on almost effortlessly with a perfectly crafted little makeup brush.  I love it.  Thank you, Maybelline for finally making a product that rocks my socks off.  My eyeliner routine will never be the same.

  Now for my shitty purchase of the evening of which I have returned.  Revlon Beyond Natural Blush and Bronzer combo.

     When A BLUSH or BRONZER says "NATURAL" on the label, I going to assume that it is made of NATURAL INGREDIENTS.  Not that it isn't going to even SHOW UP and look like I didn't use anything on my face at all. Blushers and bronzers are used for contouring; They need to be several shades darker/brighter than your skin tone and then blended for proper shading.  I googled this Revlon shit online, and it actually got decent reviews... which baffles me to no end.  I just don't get it?  Why the fuck would you spend money on shit that doesn't do anything at all? Why even bother investing the precious morning-time putting on makeup that doesn't do what makeup is supposed to do? All the while this stuff will make a mess of your bathroom counter as it is very dusty and goes everywhere!

 The name and product combination SOUNDS genius- get your blush and bronzer in the same place, mix them together if you want, use the same brush on them... all around a great concept.  Too bad the reality of Revlon Blush & Bronzer combo is about as USEFUL as tits on a nun.  Pity.