Why a Faux-hawk is for a Mo-faux

 

I love mohawks.  Maybe because I love the kind of guys that get mohawks: your best friend, that hot guy in a band (jared leto?) little punk-rock toddlers.  Plus mohawks have rich history.  Native Americans rocked the hawk, and even some remains found in Ireland from 2000 years ago had mohawks still intact.  That's badass.  A 2000 year-old mohawk.

 I have several clients that keep up their mohawks.  Their age range in 3-50.  My rule of thumb is that if you don't wear dentures, you are not too old for a mohawk.

photo credit: Lauren Jon Jungmichel

 
The dreaded faux-hawk is another story. To say that it is the redheaded stepchild of the mohawk would be an insult to redheaded stepchildren all over the globe.  Faux hawks are like the douchebag your mother cheats on your dad with who's younger than you; then she divorces your poor dad and marries him, making him your douchebag-younger-than-you stepfather. Brooke Hogan's mom's 21-year-old-boyfriend... perfect candidate for a faux-hawk. Someone get the Shamwow Guy's hairdresser on the phone, we should schedule that pronto.

 It's a pussy move to get a faux hawk.  It's like saying, yeah, I'm not badass enough for a mohawk so I'm just gonna half ass it. I hate people that half-ass it. You aren't going to go anywhere in life just putting in half the work. Spiking up your half-a-mohawk in the morning with your metrosexual hair gel makes you half the man of real guys with real mohawks.  Period.


Special thanks to Lauren Jon Jungmichel for Brian's mohawk photos and Donald Breton for submitting a picture of his adorable nephew's 'hawk.